i peaked in the year 2000

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

The 2000s were a glorious time, y'all. We had Britney Spears' pleather pants and Pepsi commercials, Justin Timberlake's frosted ramen head, synchronized dance moves, body jewels and inordinate amounts of glitter and butterfly hair clips.

There was also the spawn of the devil, Furbies, those little robot dogs that broke within a month, (RIP dog-I-probably-named-Lance-Bass) power beads that would apparently bring you strength and/or romance, inflatable furniture, Gigapets and AIM profiles decked out in hot pink ImPaCt FoNt. (Shout out to my BFFEAEAE and NOT my crush, bcuz he sux.)

To celebrate this little wave of millennium nostalgia, I present you with a really attractive collection of me at roughly 10 years old aka Y2Kaley, if you will. Gummy Bear body spray by Juice Bar and pants that zip into capris that zip into shorts not included.

This is technically late 90's but I'm including it anyway because LOOK AT THAT CHILI BOWL HAIRCUT. It looks like I cut it myself with a jackhammer. The same jackhammer I used on my teeth, apparently. I'm also rocking what appears to be a nice watermelon-inspired dress with some sort of...cape? Did...did this dress come with a cape collar? Was I a springtime superhero? If so, my superpower must have been blinding beauty because I mean, obviously. Anyways, the star of this photo, besides the Grand Canyon-sized gap in my mouth, is the vast collection of Mary-Kate and Ashley videos I've very casually positioned myself with. I mean, come on, y'all know you remember To Grandmother's House We Go, the one where they had a sleepover and put egg foo yung on their pizza and all the really puzzling capers they solved by singing and dancing as the infamous Trenchcoat Twins. Side note: I had an imaginary twin sister named Mary at one point that may have been inspired by all of this. Side side note: I also had a lot of friends.

THEM SHOES THOUGH. Here I am, thoroughly inspired by the Spice Girls on my lower half and a tropical waterfall on my top half. To class things up, I tucked my shirt into my skort because that's naturally what one does when wearing a skort, I guess. Also, I'm wearing scrunchie socks AND a scrunchie in my hair so bonus points to me for being sOooO new millennium, baybay.

Okay, if this isn't the embodiment of my childhood, I don't know what is. Here I am before the Britney Spears concert, looking so much like her, it's unreal. Not only am I rocking the questionable 10 year-old version of the catholic schoolgirl outfit, but I'm also wearing a CLUELESS VOICE- CHANGING HEADSET PHONE. This was not just a prop to look like a microphone, guys. I routinely used this to prank call people by myself. Also, those shoes weren't part of the costume, I actually wore those. Good looking out, mom.

I have to take a deep breath and clear my mind before I can fully comprehend the amount of millennial going on in this photo. For starters, there's the Brit calendar in the back. Do I sense a theme here? Also, glitter lava lamp and regular type lava lamp for the win. I also spy with my little rose-tinted aviator wearing eyes, a tye dye lamp with matching bedding and a fully functioning CD player plus boom box. And wait. Holy Nick Carter, is that a see-through neon green desk lamp mysteriously on the floor?! And Beanie Babies on the shelves?! And an incredibly awkward pose I must have thought I'd seen boy bands do on the cover of J-14? AND THE PORTABLE KIDS KEYBOARD THAT I WROTE SONGS LIKE "MUSIC MANIA" COMPLETE WITH MULTIPLE DANCE BREAKS ON?!?! I have to take a break and re-apply my Dr.Pepper Lipsmackers to recover from all this nostalgia, y'all.

Oh, man. Here's me and Renee before the Aaron Carter concert in the 5th grade. Please take special notice of the super futuristic sunglasses, crimped hair before mermaids were cool, Limited Too sparkle pants and matching shirt that went a little too heavy on the sequins and geometric designs. Also, I am wearing a Squeeze Breeze around my neck. I repeat, I AM WEARING A FREAKING SQUEEZE BREEZE AS A NECKLACE. I mean, when you're that hot, you gotta keep cool somehow, amirite?! Fun fact: my poster originally said "I HEART AARON" but I added on "...'s music" to the end so my dad wouldn't get mad and Renee totally judged me for it. Yeah, the girl with the pigtails and metallic shirt tied around her waist thought that it would be okay to pass judgement.

Finally, here I am, roughly 12 years old, hanging out in beautiful star-filled California and making the conscious decision to wear shirt-jeans. Because why would I wear high-waisted jeans when I could WEAR A SHIRT THAT GAVE THE ILLUSION OF HIGH-WAISTED JEANS?! I'm practically the David Blaine of denim. It's like I actually wanted the very trendy people of Hollywood to see me walking down Sunset Blvd. and ask themselves "Is that girl wearing jeans? No, she's wearing shirt-jeans!" Also, this was literally made of silk and I think those are Chinese symbols in the middle. They probably stood for peace, tranquility and fashion.

Anyways, consider this my away message, guys! Until then, turn on TRL and take it easy on the body glitter.

XoXoXo, <3~~HoLLiSterHaWti28


  1. I just wanted to kick his butt. I wasn't going to get mad at you.

    1. Oh, good. I mean, we would have been a great match. I'm sure he's up to some reeeeally awesome things these days! ;)

  2. Love Love Love this post!!!! From a former (ok, and current) Nsync girl, I can vouch for my undying love for that ramen headed JT. Man, the Y2K craze was 17 years ago? How did we get so damn old!! haha

    1. RIGHT?! I turned 27 in November and I think I FELT the gray hairs comin' in ;) And girl trust me, I will be an Nsync girl until the day I die. Don't even get me started on JT! I've seen him in concert 5 times (no shame) and one day a few years ago...HE TWEETED ME. My heart might have legit stopped for a second hahah